Gliders

Authors note: This poem speaks to those languorous summer evenings when it's too hot to do anything, and it would be a sin to park yourself inside! In past generations this would be porch time. Our version of porch time is two old Mexican steel gliders with cushions under a vintage pear tree that's perched on the edge of the wall overlooking a long open expanse to the lake. The birds don't like us being there because it interferes with their bird seed consumption. I wanted to express the feeling of the time, the companionship, the comfort, and the contentment of this experience. Hope you enjoy it and leave a comment.



Old green glider chairs, two
Intense shadows like velvet ooze
My soft skirt rides on tan thighs
Old cotton allows my summer sighs

Just a while ago our patch was dry and hot,
Now sprinklers toss diamonds out.
A breeze stirs my sky,
My sky seen through canopy
Of old Bradford Pear.

A wake board rider towed by a boat
Puts on a show for us.
How does he stay on top
Cutting back, forth?

Gliders squeak,
drinks in hand,
Read a page or two,
Agile rider back in view…

Gilded sky and water,
We breathe in this gildedness.
The golden light bathes our dry summer toes.
No profound thoughts,
No heaving breath,
We coexist.
The fullness of this time of day
Has cast its spell on us.

'Somniac

I think my insomnia started
because of nights like these...
Nights so hot and still
when I was a child
Perspiration oozing from my tender head,
running in my ears,
before air conditioning.
No breeze,
just a fan of little use
except to move hot air around.
Lying, trying to sleep.
A futile exercise,
as if trying could accomplish something
that happens passively.

Balance

a birth
a death
the joy of one does not diminish
the pain of the other
two separate events
opposite poles of existence’
continuum
and yet
connected by this slender thread
called life
we peg our way
from beginning to end
full knowing what awaits us
we’ve seen it all before
clinging to those fat moments
time spent with
fellow travelers
and revelers
until we are reduced by
time and age
and circumstance
unable to resist
the turning of our days
once again to Mother Earth

Killing Stress

I’ve said it before: “you never know how close to the edge someone might be”.

A few years ago a co worker of mine related a story about a woman she worked with that was constantly borrowing money from her. One day she had just “had enough” and snapped at the woman over her trying to borrow some inconsequential sum. That evening the woman’s car collided with an overpass pylon and she was killed instantly. My co worker wondered if perhaps the woman was so despondent she couldn’t face living, and if their minor altercation had been a precipitating factor, “the last straw”, or a moment of inattention. In either scenario, we could be certain that stress played a part.

In today’s unprecedented economic crisis we are all under some stress, but how do we recognize the signs of killing stress? Can we learn to recognize the numerous outward identifiable signs of stress in ourselves, our loved ones, friends, and co workers? More importantly, can we learn ways of dealing with this issue, of decreasing the overload, before it becomes fatal, either by a suicidal act or from inattention?

Stress, in all its mutations, as many as there are different human beings, has layers of manifestations. You and I both handle it differently and on the most basic level it is influenced by our gender and our personalities. A person who is confident will handle it better than a person with low self-esteem. Men generally handle it better than women, although women feel stress from different quarters, being still the primary caregivers and housekeepers in most families. Therefore a working woman comes home to face her second shift, caring for the family on a daily basis. Caregiver stress has been well documented. Sometimes it is the accumulation of events that causes the feeling of being overwhelmed.

A partial listing of stress behaviors is a change in eating habits, a change in sleep habits, isolating self, procrastination or neglect, using drugs, alcohol, cigarettes to relax, and an increase in, or new, nervous habits such as pacing, nail biting, yawning, or picking at yourself. Cognitive manifestations of stress overload is memory problems, inability to focus, poor decision making, negativity, anxious thoughts and constant worrying. Emotional aspects of stress include being moody, agitated, having a “short fuse”, feeling overwhelmed, lonely, depressed and unhappy. Physical symptoms of stress are aches and pains, gastrointestinal changes, nausea, dizziness, chest pain and palpitations, decrease in sexual energy, and frequent upper respiratory infections. Have you or your significant others any of these issues?

We all know by now that proper diet, exercise, and rest all help in relieving stress. However when you are in the midst of a situation causing stress it is supremely difficult to enforce this trinity on yourself or anyone else. Probably one of the best stress busters is having a good friend to just listen to you, or to be a good listener for a stressed-out friend. Just having someone else who knows what you are going through is a help. If you have access to professional help, get it! Ultimately you are the person making the decision to move forward or remain stuck in your stressful situation, and a professional has the training to guide your decision. Your employer may offer assistance through your employee health or human resource department.

If you recognize the above issues in your own life try to enumerate the factors that may be causing you distress and determine if there is any positive action you can take to decrease your stress. Try looking at your situation as someone else momentarily to see how you could behave differently. Treat yourself with kindness. There is much validity to the command “take care of yourself”. Don’t keep playing those same negative thought loops through your head. If you are feeling overwhelmed choose one thing to start with that you can manage and work from there. As you gain control your confidence will build and your attitude will improve. Deal with your emotions. Choose to stay in control. Find acceptable ways of soothing and calming yourself that don’t involve self-destructive behaviors including smoking, drinking, and eating poorly. Avoid people who encourage those activities and seek new friends if necessary. If you are a spiritual person or have had an unanswered curiosity about matters of faith, find a church to attend and seek out fellowship. Many AA chapters have social activities for people seeking to maintain the sober life.

The importance of having a good support system of friends and family cannot be overemphasized. If you want friends it is necessary to be a friend . Are you aware when people around you are distressed?

Having a pet is a stress reliever if you are able to responsibly care for an animal. Walking a dog is a bonding time and stress reliever. Having that unconditional love a pet gives can help get you out of your funk. Can’t afford a pet? Some rescue groups will provide food and care for animals fostered until permanent adoption can occur.

Stress reduction practices are excellent for a quick fix. Sometimes just adopting some breathing exercises can get you through a situation, and back to focus on what needs to be done. Stress reduction methods require some training and commitment to learn techniques. One of the biggest parts of this commitment is seeing yourself as worthy of investing the time in your well-being. Many employers offer courses in stress reduction. Tai chi www.mayoclinic.com/health/tai-chi/SA00087 and yoga offer stress reducing benefits http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/yoga/CM00004 . DVD’s may be purchased on-line for even geriatric patients to perform. The point is this: there is something for everyone in the way of stress reduction. You CAN do it!

When you consider the long term effects of being overstressed: risk of heart attack and stroke, anxiety and depression, digestive and sleep disorders, obesity, auto immune disease, skin conditions, and acceleration of the aging process, devoting the time to learning stress reduction techniques is a good investment.

For more information on identifying and managing your stress check out this comprehensive site. http://www.helpguide.org/mental/stress_signs.htm

Going back to the first line of this blog, remember, a little kindness goes a long way. A little recognition can do so much good. “Thank you” is always appreciated.

Farewell to Michael

Michael, when I think of you I think of a gentle man.

Who cared about his friends, his family, his dog.

I admired your loyalty, and your trusting nature.

I appreciated your humility and your humanity.

The fact that you could admit your mistakes and apologize

and accept responsibility, and that you could accept an apology and

freely forgive showed your true stature.

I miss your humour, and your gentle spirit.

I mourn your passing, keenly, for it means that you are gone from us,

and never stand the chance to find that great love that I believe was

out there waiting for you,

the woman who could help fill that void that you filled with drugs,

and give you the children you deserved to father.

We have been deprived of your support in our old age.

We are left with so many questions.

What really happened?

Was there something we could have done?

Did we not try hard enough to dissuade you from your course?

Lastly, Michael we will miss you……..